School Bullying

What parents can do to stop bullies

What Parents Can Do To Stop Bullies

Some feel that bullying is a normal right of passage in growing up. It isn’t!! There will always be conflicts between kids, but bullying is intentional cruelty, harassment, and emotional, physical and sometimes sexual abuse. This behavior can set the tone for a lifetime of intentional cruelty or worse. And the consequences to the victim can seriously affect them for the rest of their lives. Some victims are so tormented by bullies that they choose suicide as an alternative.

Parents must communicate with their kids and let them know that you’re there for them and will help them. This is critical.

Telling children to fight back in not the answer. It’s teaching your kids violence and tells them that violence is allowed. It is also not advisable to bring the bully and the victim together in the same room. What is advisable is for parents to intervene and teach kids victims and bullies changes in behavior.

Teach your kids self esteem and empowerment. By teaching them the difference between reporting and tattling they will feel empowered and make decisions responsibly.

As a parent or guardian, you can help your child resolve bullying issues by:

Listening to your child and being supportive
If your child is not comfortable speaking to you about the situation, urge them to speak to school counselor or arrange for them to see a professional counselor
Tell your child’s teachers and principal about the incidences
Document every conversation and incident
Hand deliver and mail to the principal
If the bullying is severe or the situation has not been effectively resolved by the school, hand deliver and mail by certified mail, a Notice of Harassment Form to the parents of the bully and the school

Get The Facts

It’s important to listen to your child so you can help them. Get all of the facts.

Ask your child what actions he would like you to take. Remember your child is feeling so vulnerable and he is in pain. Everything is out of control because the bully is controlling your child.

You are your child’s advocate and let him know you will work to solve this.

Approaching Your Child’s School

Does your child’s school know about the bullying? If not, they should be given a reasonable amount of time to resolve the situation.

If more than one school week passes without a satisfactory resolution, remind the school that the bullying has to stop immediately. Every day that passes, your child is in pain.

Document Everything

This is imperative. You should be documenting names, dates, times, locations of the bullying incidents and who you spoke to at school. Document every comment and who made the comment – everyone’s!

Take pictures of injuries, locations, buildings, street signs, people, etc. Get witnesses and document their account of the situation.

Write immediate recaps of any verbal school meetings and reports you make and fax a copy to the person asking them to change anything in the recap that they feel is an incorrect account of your meeting.

The most difficult thing for you to do will be to control you anger – but you must!!!

If your correspondence is angry, the school’s correspondence will be too. It’s human nature to attack back. Be as diplomatic as possible and let them know that you are documenting everything and will share the information with them, and you expect them to take responsibility.

What is cyberbulling

What is cyberbullying?

What to do with bullying in school

The roles children have in school

There are many roles that kids can play. Kids can bully others, they can be bullied, or they may witness bullying. When kids are involved in bullying, they often play more than one role. Sometimes kids may both be bullied and bully others or they may witness other kids being bullied. It is important to understand the multiple roles kids play in order to effectively prevent and respond to bullying.

· Importance of Not Labeling Kids

Importance of Not Labeling Kids

When referring to a bullying situation, it is easy to call the kids who bully others "bullies" and those who are targeted "victims," but this may have unintended consequences. When children are labeled as "bullies" or "victims" it may:

· Send the message that the child's behavior cannot change

· Fail to recognize the multiple roles children might play in different bullying situations

· Disregard other factors contributing to the behavior such as peer influence or school climate

Instead of labeling the children involved, focus on the behavior. For instance:

· Instead of calling a child a "bully," refer to them as "the child who bullied"

· Instead of calling a child a "victim," refer to them as "the child who was bullied"

· Instead of calling a child a "bully/victim," refer to them as "the child who was both bullied and bullied others."

Kids Involved in Bullying

The roles kids play in bullying are not limited to those who bully others and those who are bullied. Some researchers talk about the "circle of bullying" to define both those directly involved in bullying and those who actively or passively assist the behavior or defend against it. Direct roles include:

· Kids who Bully: These children engage in bullying behavior towards their peers. There are many risk factors that may contribute to the child's involvement in the behavior. Often, these students require support to change their behavior and address any other challenges that may be influencing their behavior.

· Kids who are Bullied: These children are the targets of bullying behavior. Some factors put children at more risk of being bullied, but not all children with these characteristics will be bullied. Sometimes, these children may need helplearning how to respond to bullying.

Even if a child is not directly involved in bullying, they may be contributing to the behavior. Witnessing the behavior may alsoaffect the child, so it is important for them to learn what they should do when they see bullying happen. Roles kids play when they witness bullying include:

· Kids who Assist: These children may not start the bullying or lead in the bullying behavior, but serve as an "assistant" to children who are bullying. These children may encourage the bullying behavior and occasionally join in.

· Kids who Reinforce: These children are not directly involved in the bullying behavior but they give the bullying an audience. They will often laugh or provide support for the children who are engaging in bullying. This may encourage the bullying to continue.

· Outsiders: These children remain separate from the bullying situation. They neither reinforce the bullying behavior nor defend the child being bullied. Some may watch what is going on but do not provide feedback about the situation to show they are on anyone’s side. Even so, providing an audience may encourage the bullying behavior.

· These kids often want to help, but don’t know how. Learn how to be "more than a bystander."

· Kids who Defend: These children actively comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child's defense when bullying occurs.

Most kids play more than one role in bullying over time. In some cases, they may be directly involved in bullying as the one bullying others or being bullied and in others they may witness bullying and play an assisting or defending role. Every situation is different. Some kids are both bullied and bully others. It is important to note the multiple roles kids play, because:

· Those who are both bullied and bully others may be at more risk for negative outcomes, such as depression or suicidal ideation.

· It highlights the need to engage all kids in prevention efforts, not just those who are known to be directly involved